[The apology hits him hard, leaves his stomach feeling empty. This isn't what he was expecting to hear. Not in the slightest. Immediately he can recall the agony he felt when he'd ended Kaworu's life. The despair and depth of sorrow, as if someone had snuffed out the only light in his life and that someone had been himself.]
...I'm sorry too.
[He already apologized for what he'd done but it feels necessary to do so again. He doesn't want it to happen ever again.]
[And now his eyes are on Shinji again, and he's reaching out, and his bare hands - not cold from the air, but a mellow sort of cool - are resting at the sides of Shinji's face.]
[The contact makes him freeze up, startled as he's forced to look into Kaworu's deep red eyes. He feels as if he could drown in them and that would be okay. He wouldn't mind it. His smile is sweet and inviting.
How could that be, though? How could he believe such a thing? His voice is thin, strained. Emotion is already welling up inside him, threatening to spill over.]
[Ah, there it is. Despite his best efforts, a few tears spill over, hot and wet as they roll down his cheeks, the cold biting at his exposed skin. He knows Kaworu is right but he still held such guilt toward it. How couldn't he feel guilty?]
[Kaworu's hands may know their place, but Shinji doesn't know where to put his own. He's tempted to reach out, to take hold of Kaworu, but he doesn't. Instead he hugs himself tighter as the other boy wipes away his tears. No one had ever been so kind to him before. No one had ever considered him beautiful, let alone the most beautiful part of their life. It's a mind blowing concept - to be so important to another individual. To be cherished and wanted.]
I...meeting you was the best thing that's ever happened to me, Kaworu-kun...I don't want to be alone again.
[That's enough movement for Kaworu to be even more forward. For the first time, he takes Shinji into his arms. It's a wonderful feeling, the mesh of their limbs, Shinji's hair against his cheek.]
[He's about to say something in response to Kaworu's words but his voice dies in his throat out of shock when he feels the Angel's arms wrap around him. No longer is it his own arms that are around his middle. Kaworu is hugging him. Embracing him. It's enough to make his mind shut down.
When was the last time he'd been hugged? Surely his mother had hugged him, or so he wants to desperately believe. He can't remember. He's never let anyone close enough. Yet here he is and Shinji's dumbfounded as to how to respond. He'd been feeling chilled but now he's warm, right throughout his entire body as he finally reaches up, cautiously with his own arms, to awkwardly return the hug. It seems surreal. Was this really even happening?]
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I didn't stay with you, so I took your happiness away.
Shinji-kun, I'm sorry.
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...I'm sorry too.
[He already apologized for what he'd done but it feels necessary to do so again. He doesn't want it to happen ever again.]
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[And now his eyes are on Shinji again, and he's reaching out, and his bare hands - not cold from the air, but a mellow sort of cool - are resting at the sides of Shinji's face.]
You've never sinned against me.
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How could that be, though? How could he believe such a thing? His voice is thin, strained. Emotion is already welling up inside him, threatening to spill over.]
B-But I killed you...
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[His face softens from its urgency.]
And that was my sin.
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Kaworu-kun...
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You're the most beautiful part of my life. I don't want that to end.
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I...meeting you was the best thing that's ever happened to me, Kaworu-kun...I don't want to be alone again.
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If I stay with you, will you be happy?
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[It's all he wants really. To not be alone. To have someone to love him. Someone who appreciates him.]
I don't want you to go, Kaworu-kun.
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Then stay...please.
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[That's enough movement for Kaworu to be even more forward. For the first time, he takes Shinji into his arms. It's a wonderful feeling, the mesh of their limbs, Shinji's hair against his cheek.]
Thank you for letting me see you tonight.
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When was the last time he'd been hugged? Surely his mother had hugged him, or so he wants to desperately believe. He can't remember. He's never let anyone close enough. Yet here he is and Shinji's dumbfounded as to how to respond. He'd been feeling chilled but now he's warm, right throughout his entire body as he finally reaches up, cautiously with his own arms, to awkwardly return the hug. It seems surreal. Was this really even happening?]
I...any time, Kaworu-kun.