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[paraclete]

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[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Right now?

[paraclete]

FROM: nagisa.kaworu@cdc.org

Right now, I want to see you, Shinji-kun.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Where should I meet you, Kaworu-kun?

[paraclete]

FROM: nagisa.kaworu@cdc.org

I'll come to you. Will you wait for me? Outside of your rover.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Okay. I'll wait.

[paraclete]

[Kaworu doesn't even take the time to get dressed for the weather. The cold doesn't matter to him anyway, and he doesn't want to go any longer without seeing Shinji. So when he arrives outside of Shinji's rover, he's wearing the thinner clothes he was going to sleep in, and he looks almost like he's just been fleeing. For once, he isn't perfectly composed. There's an urgency to him.]

[forevalone]

<sub>[In contrast Shinji's bundled as always, dressed for the weather. He waits, curled into himself, standing awkwardly at the bottom of the steps to his rover. When he hears the snow crunch beneath feet he turns, spotting Kaworu. He's a bit nervous, unsure of why Kaworu wants to see him suddenly. The other boy is barely wearing anything at all. Surely he'll freeze, won't he?

Did Angels even feel cold?]</sub>

Kaworu-kun, you're going to catch a cold...!

[paraclete]

[Kaworu stops in front of Shinji - not too close, but near enough that the cloud of his breath in the snowy night mists in Shinji's direction - and stares at him, eerie in the night.]

I didn't want to wait.

[forevalone]

_{[The urgency of it all is enough to make him start doubting himself. Had he said something wrong? The staring is enough to make him feel self conscious. What had he done now...]}

...Are you okay?

[paraclete]

I'm okay. I just missed you.

[The intensity of his atmosphere doesn't let up, though. He's studying Shinji like a map.]

[forevalone]

_{[Those words steal his breath away for a moment. No one had ever missed him, at least, no one had ever really expressed it in such a genuine way.]}

You did? But I'm here, Kaworu-kun...I haven't gone anywhere.

[paraclete]

I know. You're here. I'm here, too.

[The wintry air feels so fresh in Kaworu's lungs. Finally he looks away from Shinji, when he tilts his head back and stares instead at the blaze of stars in the night sky. He's quiet for a short moment.

Then,] You said I make you happy.

[forevalone]

...You do.

_{[He shifts his weight as he stands in the snow, arms hugging his middle tight.]}

When I'm with you, I feel happy. Happier than I ever am...

[paraclete]

[He's still staring up, into dark and depth.]

I didn't stay with you, so I took your happiness away.

Shinji-kun, I'm sorry.

[forevalone]

_{[The apology hits him hard, leaves his stomach feeling empty. This isn't what he was expecting to hear. Not in the slightest. Immediately he can recall the agony he felt when he'd ended Kaworu's life. The despair and depth of sorrow, as if someone had snuffed out the only light in his life and that someone had been himself.]}

...I'm sorry too.

_{[He already apologized for what he'd done but it feels necessary to do so again. He doesn't want it to happen ever again.]}

[paraclete]

Shinji-kun—

[And now his eyes are on Shinji again, and he's reaching out, and his bare hands - not cold from the air, but a mellow sort of cool - are resting at the sides of Shinji's face.]

You've never sinned against me.

[forevalone]

<sub>[The contact makes him freeze up, startled as he's forced to look into Kaworu's deep red eyes. He feels as if he could drown in them and that would be okay. He wouldn't mind it. His smile is sweet and inviting.

How could that be, though? How could he believe such a thing? His voice is thin, strained. Emotion is already welling up inside him, threatening to spill over.]</sub>

B-But I killed you...

[paraclete]

You only did what I asked.

[His face softens from its urgency.]

And that was my sin.

[forevalone]

_{[Ah, there it is. Despite his best efforts, a few tears spill over, hot and wet as they roll down his cheeks, the cold biting at his exposed skin. He knows Kaworu is right but he still held such guilt toward it. How couldn't he feel guilty?]}

Kaworu-kun...

[paraclete]

[The tears meet Kaworu's thumbs, but he keeps his hands where they are.]

You're the most beautiful part of my life. I don't want that to end.

[forevalone]

_{[Kaworu's hands may know their place, but Shinji doesn't know where to put his own. He's tempted to reach out, to take hold of Kaworu, but he doesn't. Instead he hugs himself tighter as the other boy wipes away his tears. No one had ever been so kind to him before. No one had ever considered him beautiful, let alone the most beautiful part of their life. It's a mind blowing concept - to be so important to another individual. To be cherished and wanted.]}

I...meeting you was the best thing that's ever happened to me, Kaworu-kun...I don't want to be alone again.

[paraclete]

If we're together, more good things will happen. I believe that. [He's saying it to Shinji, but it's advice for himself as well.]

If I stay with you, will you be happy?

[paraclete]

I'm happy to. [And it's sincere. He offers his hand.] Company is a good thing. And I like to hear from you.

When I don't anymore, it'll be a loss.

[forevalone]

Yes! I mean...I...

_{[It's all he wants really. To not be alone. To have someone to love him. Someone who appreciates him.]}

I don't want you to go, Kaworu-kun.

[paraclete]

[Like he's telling a secret, Kaworu says,] I want to stay.